Managing

You're not managing other people, dummy! You're managing yourself first and foremost. Start there and you've already begun to be a better manager. Reams and reams have been written, podcasted, video'ed, blogged, and social media'ed about this crazy topic. So ramble a bit again and get to a place of serenity. Huh?

1 Self-Awareness: We are all blessed with this to varying degrees but it can, like most things, be improved as a skill. Before you say or do anything of consequence, ask and consider the following (at first you may fumble through this exercise for minutes and, if in mid-conversation with someone will look like an idiot); eventually it will become second nature and much smoother):

1. Why do I want to say or do this, that, or the other thing before I think about it? Let me examine my own internal drivers, motives, and history for a second or two before saying/doing anything. Then....
2. Once I think about it, now what do I want to say and/or do?
3. There is always space (read: time) between thought and words or action. Never forget this. It may be a nanosecond, it may be more. But there is valuable space you can use to be self aware and introspective (even if neither is a strength).

2 Listening: And then listen some more and listen again. Stop! Don't talk yet even though you've been listening for 5 seconds already and think you should or have to say something, anything, in order to get your point across, solve a problem, fix something, provide "direction," or simply bloviate. Actually, don't talk at all when you get the urge. Just listen (see note above about skill improvement). And not to yourself and your own little internal dialogue; to the other person(s) with whom you are conversing. 

3 Clarity with Courage: OK, I guess you will have to talk and/or act at some point as a manager. You can't just sit there and listen 100% of the time. So when you do speak, be as clear and direct as possible (haha, easy to say but not so easy to do). Easy to do when dealing with the mundane. Not so easy when real or perceived conflict, pushback, or complete chaos could (or may not) ensue. So if you practice #s 1 and 2 above, it may make this a bit easier by providing an on-ramp for what you have intentionally decided to say/do. Try it and see. Either way, don't "beat around the bush" or avoid (they just don't work; and will just confuse other people anyway).

If I'm going to follow one of my favorite rules -- The Rule of 3 -- I can't assign any more numbers to anything else I write. Sorry. Try to keep up without the aid of numbers...

Otherwise, you know, when managing try to treat people with empathy, respect, and some humanity as much as possible.

Feed them when you can.

"But" is a dirty, dirty word. Do NOT use it. I repeat: DO NOT USE IT as a manager. It will take some time to eradicated it from your lexicon, believe me (I've tried for years). It simply says the following to someone: "Hey that's all really interesting and everything else you or I just said about it doesn't matter at all" (because you said "Blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada, BUT.....") Replace with "at the same time" or "and" or anything else you can come up with so that you are not 100% negating everything that comes before it. I mean, "but" is a fine word to use for certain things certainly, but it's sort of wipes out everything that come before it, no?

Always be curious. Help yourself and others by asking them to reflect a bit more on something. You know, silly questions like: "That's interesting; how do you think that will play out if we do it that way?" "What else are we missing?" "Help me understand more about what you are saying/want to do." "Tell me more...." And then, you guessed it, listen.

Use humor often (appropriate please; and please carefully apply #1 above before you start cracking any jokes when you are nervous at the beginning of a meeting, interviewing someone, talking to "upper management," etc).

Use the "compliment sandwich" technique when you want to deliver some constructive (OK, let's be honest it's NEGATIVE) feedback. The first "slice" of info is a compliment, the middle of the sandwich is the feedback you want to deliver, and the final slice is another compliment. You know, it softens the blow as most humans are rather sensitive. Requires less courage than #3 above but useful when you're having a rough day, can't really delay in delivering some important feedback, and need a little help

Stop, Start, Continue. Picked this up along the way from my sanguine brother. When working with direct reports, ask them "What should I stop doing?", "What should I start doing?", and "What should I continue doing"? And please shut up and LISTEN when they start providing answers.

Consider yourself a resource and colleague who's main purpose is to work with others to reach common goals. Not their f***ing boss who is only there to give orders, be in charge, and, you know boss people around!

Fail often. Ha! Just kidding. Who wants to fail often? Nobody! But at least try to learn from and improve upon the inevitable failures that will occur.

Shift your mindset, challenge yourself to think bigger than you might be about managing and working with others; and truly understand that what you are doing is having an ongoing conversation with your colleagues, direct reports, manager, and whoever else happens to be in your orbit. Like any long conversation, it will be characterized by some ups, some downs, some conflict, some shared success, some misunderstandings, some collaboration, some breakthroughs, etc. Accept all of it. I find this particularly helpful when it comes to that performance review you absolutely are dreading for one reason or another. If you're in an ongoing conversation, the review itself can be a piece of everything that has been/is being/will be said. This takes a lot of initial intent (and some time) on your part as a manager, e.g., schedule quarterly check-ins with people that are specifically carved out to converse about their actual performance (and not the day to day "status report" or "day-to-day" conversations that occur). Not an easy task and easily avoided due to "not having enough time" (myth) or some other smokescreen. 

Alright. I've written too much already (I can tell by the length of the last paragraph). Of course, anyone could write about this forever (some probably still are). No way to cover everything and all filtered through my own experiences and biases. Maybe helpful though if I'm lucky....